45. Crucible Of The Vampire movie review

CRUCIBLE OF THE VAMPIRE
Cert 15
96 mins
BBFC advice: Contains strong bloody scenes, sex, nudity

Apparently, Crucible of the Vampire has been earning "rave reviews' at major festivals around the world.
That surprises me but I am always pleased by encouragement of independent film-making even if is focused on a movie doesn't strike a chord with me.
Iain Ross-McNamee's movie has echoes of the Hammer Horror films which prompted me to scuttle off to bed after the 10pm news on a Friday night when I was a child.
With hindsight, I hadn't realised they were so tongue in cheek, they were bordering on comedy.
Is Crucible of The Vampire, made in their image, meant to be funny too? I must admit I was more likely to giggle than jump at its tepid scares.
It stars Katie Goldfinch as a museum curator who is sent to look at an ancient artefact discovered in the basement of a stately home.
She is welcomed by a family who are outwardly hospitable but clearly have something of the night about them.
They accommodate her while her investigations into the piece continue and soon things start to go bump in the night in more ways than one.
The publicity blurb around the film suggests that Men Behaving Badly's Neil Morrissey is one of its leading cast members.
He isn't.
True, he plays an avuncular gardener who tries to persuade the curator to keep away from the big house without telling her why.
But he is very peripheriphal to the film's main action.
My central problem with Crucible of The Vampire isn't its subject matter - although bloodsuckers in a stately home isn't exactly new, is it?
Nor is it the melodramatic music which reminded of pantomime.
No, my real difficulty was with the dialogue. Even established actors like Morrissey cannot deliver such cliched, unambitious language with conviction.
It is so weak that the supposedly eerie master of the house (Larry Rew), his seductive daughter (Florence Cady) and her peacemaking mum (Babette Barat) all seem rather flat when they should have been scary.
But what do I know? Crucible of the Vampire has been acclaimed by people who have more qualifications to comment about movies than me. I can only say as I see and I found it as wooden as a stake.

Reasons to watch: Eerie low-budget tale
Reasons to avoid: Needs greater character exploration to hot its mark

Laughs: None
Jumps: None
Vomit: None
Nudity: Yes
Overall rating: 4/10

Did you know? Neil Morrissey was brought up in care from the age of ten because his parents were not looking after him and his siblings properly.

The final word. Iain Ross-McNamee: "My dad was a vicar so he would get asked for help with paranormal occurrences from time to time. It wasn't something he would talk about with me. I do remember one time taking a phone call while he was out from a woman who had a poltergeist in her house. She was describing what was going on as we talked on the phone and sounded absolutely terrified." Horror Channel

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