417. Cats; movie review

CATS
Cert U
110 mins
BBFC advice: Contains very mild threat, rude humour, language

I love musicals, I have seen Cats on stage and I was prepared to ignore the critics who have panned Tom Hooper's movie.
Within two minutes, it was clear that they were correct and after just five, I was struggling to stay awake.
But I did stay the course of a film which several others didn't. They walked out of Nottingham Cineworld's screen 2 and didn't come back.
I couldn't blame them. Cats is such a stain on the superb CV of director Tom Hooper that I wonder whether he wished he had turned it down.
Ditto the cast - Mrs W and I mused on whether Judi Dench, Ian McKellen and particularly Idris Elba would admit that they had been sold kitty litter.
It is hard to understand what has happened between the trumpeting of Cats at the time of its first trailer in the summer and now.
Just a few months ago T.S. Eliot's estate was among many who were feverish in their excitement at its release.
And, thanks to its only good bit - Jennifer Hudson singing Memories - anticipation ratcheted up.
It was even being touted for an Oscar.
Never has a star's light dimmed quite so quickly.
This week Universal Studios removed it from its contenders' list and a good job too. I can imagine the embarrassment of any judges being forced to watch it.
Yes, Cats really is that bad. From the clumsy introduction of its characters to its strange plot during which one cat is selected for another life (I thought they all had nine) to its lack-lustre dance routines.
It always jars with me when movie characters are introduced with "my name is" because they should appear seamlessly.
I lost count of the number of times this happens during Cats.
Well-known actors such as Rebel Wilson and James Corden appear as cats, sing and vanish.
The only character in which there is a tad of investment in Dench's but the vision of an 85-year-old, draped in CGI cocking her leg in the air made me want to laugh.
Actually, if I had, Cats would have at least succeeded in prompting an emotional reaction.
Instead, it was just one of the most ill-conceived movies in the nine years of the everyfilm quest.

Reasons to watch: The stars and it's Cats
Reasons to avoid: One of the most-ill conceived movies ever

Laughs: None (although embarrassed chuckles were heard)
Jumps: None
Vomit: None
Nudity: None
Overall rating: 2/10 (the marks are for Jennifer Hudson's singing only)

Did you know? Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, published in 1939, is a collection of feline-themed poems written by TS Eliot.

The final word. James Corden: "I haven’t seen it. I’ve heard it’s terrible.” Vulture

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