Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Review
Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Baca Juga
So what the hell is even happening this time around? The Emperor has come back from the dead without any explanation and now has star destroyers with the power of a Death Star attached. Yeah, start rolling your eyes now, because you will be doing a lot of that. For some reason Kylo Ren wants to team up with Rey and the two will kill the Emperor together. If there was any audience pandering it wasn't to fans of the original trilogy, it was to wannabes who want this Reylo shit to happen which they get. The rebels or resistance or whatever the fuck need some device to find the Emperor and stop him. Along the way predictable shenanigans occur that further muck the lore. Even the new characters are altered like Poe is now a Han Solo type despite simply always being an ace pilot. Finn has been permanently turned into a bitch boy that half his dialogue is screaming, "REY!!!" Anyway, we come to find out Rey is the Emperor's granddaughter and he wants her to take his place or to simply kill her. Along the way Rey turns Kylo back to the light side quite easily. When they have a big final battle I can just picture a little kid telling it to Disney and Jar Jar Abrams:
And then, and then, and then...they ride the horsies on top of the ship to take out the bad guys who have a million ships but then the whole universe shows up to help. But then, and then, the Emperor says, "I AM ALL SITH," and he shoots the lightning across the planet and then Rey pulls out TWO lightsabers and says, "I AM ALL JEDI," and then she shootses the lasers--lightning--back at him and he goes boom and all the bad guys die. But then Rey, you think she's dead, but then Kylo comes back out of nowhere and he is like Trachcan Man from "The Stand" and says "MY LIFE FOR YOU!" and then she comes back. Then Kylo dies all tragically but they all celebrate and then Rey steals Luke's house on Tatooine. Some lady says who are you and then ghosts say izz okay to steal the name so she says "I'm Rey, Rey Skywalker" like James Bond and then the credits roll and everyone cheers! WEEEEEEE!!! Oh and she pulls a new, yellow lightsaber out of her butt. Teehee.
What else can I really say that hasn't been said already? The movie is a trainwreck, no one is buying the toys, and Star Wars is ruined, left in a putrid state beyond recognition. As many have pointed out, there are more bad Star Wars movies than good which is just plain sad. As a kid, I would never have believed this could happen, but the trend in the entertainment industry right now is to openly destroy what was once beloved and belittle the original fans along the way. We see this trend over and over again with no foreseeable sign of stopping despite these terrible sequels/prequels/remakes/reboots continuing to fail. The only positive I can say is that as these franchises tank, and the writing quality plummets, it creates an opening and a need for people like you and me to step up and write things entertaining and give audiences the stories they want.
Notable Moment: Uh, stupidest scene is hard to pick...maybe the horses on the star destroyer sums up the idiocy the best. Not only is it a retarded concept, but we see the ship sinking after destroying the bridge and everyone sliding off...sooo...why didn't the First Order shake them off in the first place?!
Final Rating: 5/10 (objectively) 1/10 (personally)
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