378. We Are The Geordies; movie review

 

WE ARE THE GEORDIES

Cert 12A

91 mins

BBFC advice: Contains infrequent strong language

Ah, those Geordies, they are salt of the earth, aren't they? And the greatest footy fans in the world!

Well, now we can vouch for them being diverse too!

Director Zahra Zomorrodian seems surprised that a nursery worker, grandmother, widow clear, public sector worker and paediatrician should mingle on the terraces.

But it was always thus. Our gang who watch our sad football team include a grandmother, grandfather, teachers, business owners. My uncle and cousin are window cleaners. 

That is what football does. It brings communities together. This should surely surprise only people who have never been to a game.

But here's the real rub... Newcastle fans are only really special to fellow Newcastle fans, players and officials. Only in their eyes are they worthy of a movie.

The rest of us merely admire that fact that they turn out in such numbers but they do have a giant catchment area. But football is tribal. We think we are the best.

Consequently, I was left wondering to whom Zomorrodian and James DeMarco's We Are The Geordies is aimed.

If it is squarely at fellow Newcastle United fans it is a winner. They can share in the passion that they all share for the Magpies and share on their communal joy and despair at the team's performances.

The rest of us will be wondering why the film-makers alighted upon the 2017 season. 

The real story of that year was the elevation of Newcastle's rivals in the promotion race, Brighton & Hove Albion.

Their club has been away from the top flight for decades, played at least three different grounds in the meantime and nearly went out of existence altogether.

Another problem is that this documentary doesn't tell us much about Newcastle United other than it has passionate fans. 

They all seem nice enough - I rather took to the fella who seemed to have plastic cockerel feathers on his head for no obvious reason but they were unexceptional.

Thus, the documentary pales by comparison to the recent Netflix series on local rivals Sunderland which delves into the club at every level and where characters are fully explored.

And We Are The Geordies is three years out of date. Rafa Benitez, for whom there is hero-worship throughout the film, is long gone but Newcastle have been a steady Premiership team for three years.

So, good on you Newcastle fans for making a movie about each other. 

I am sure you will enjoy it but forgive the rest of us if we get more wound up about our own club's glories and disasters.

Reasons to watch: If you are a Newcastle United fan

Reasons to avoid: If you are not interested in football

Laughs: None

Jumps: None

Vomit: None

Nudity: None

Overall rating: 5/10

Did you know? Back in 1892, Newcastle United's players wore red and white. After two years, they switched to the authentic black and white look that we all know. 

The final word. Zahra Zomorrodian said: “I want to burst that bubble of cliched Geordie supporters, so over the year we followed a very diverse group of fans – a nursery worker who’s a grandmother, a window cleaner, a public sector worker, a paediatrician." Chronicle Live

 

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