249. Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard; movie review

 

 

HITMAN WIFE'S BODYGUARD

Cert 15

100 minutes

BBFC advice: Contains very strong language, strong bloody violence, sex references

From his public persona, it would seem to me that Ryan Reynolds is a nice guy and enjoys life.

He has also made a heck of a lot of money from appearing in a rash of blockbuster movies over the past decade.

But I would question whether the Canadian has an acting repertoire beyond the shouting maniacs for which he has made his name.

The latest emerges in Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard - a film which, despite a stellar cast, is, frankly, a giant mess.

Reynolds plays a bodyguard who is advised to take a holiday because he is on the cusp of a nervous breakdown.

This means no work, violence and, specifically, no guns.

But as he lays on his sunbed, slips on his headphones and picks up a trashy novel, all hell breaks loose around him.

This is focused on Sonia Kincaid (Salma Hayek), the rather loud and tempestuous wife of hitman Darius (Samuel L. Jackson).

In a gunfight, she grabs him and, thereafter, talks him into helping free her kidnapped husband despite him being his nemesis.

Meanwhile, the Greek fiscal situation becomes central to international terrorism led by a psychopath (Antonio Banderas) who vows apocalyptic revenge on Europe for calling in its loans.

Why the bodyguard, hitman and his wife are enlisted to stop him is completely beyond me.

Actually, I might have misinterpreted the storyline but it is delivered so loudly and at such a frenzied pace, it is almost impossible to comprehend.

Indeed, it is probably irrelevant. Patrick Hughes's film is little more than Hayek screaming incessantly while banging on about the quality of her bosoms, Jackson laughing inanely while shooting folk in the face while Reynolds is curiously blood-stained throughout.

Oh, and Morgan Freeman has a very weird cameo.

It's rubbish but who cares if it makes lots of dosh. Well, Mrs W and I did for starters.

Reasons to watch: Madcap action adventure

Reasons to avoid: Not nearly as funny as its makers want it to be

Laughs: One

Jumps: None

Vomit: None

Nudity: None

Overall rating: 3/10

Did you know? Salma Hayek spent most of 2020 recovering from a near-fatal case of COVID-19, a fact she chose to keep quiet until now.

The final word. Ryan Reynolds: “In ‘Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard,’ I’m slapped in the face twice by Salma and once by Samuel L. Jackson. For the record, it was Salma who didn’t pull the punches. Not even once. I can still feel the sharp sting of her tiny hand working its way into my soft Hollywood cheekbones. May God have mercy on her soul.” Variety

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