297. After We Collided; movie review

 

AFTER WE COLLIDED

Cert 15

105 mins

BBFC advice: Contains strong language, sex, brief sexual threat

This absolute bunkum is in the top 20 UK box office chart of 2020!

There can surely be no clearer marker for how much cinema has suffered during the Covid crisis.

After We Collided is ludicrous because it portrays the most complex of problems being resolved instantly.

No, you can't just cure alcoholism. No, broken families cannot be healed by one phone call. No, serious car crash injuries do not disappear after a one-night stay in hospital and NO, relationships cannot survive the erosion of basic trust.

I must admit I was bewildered over the point of Roger Kumble's film.

And why does the beautiful Tessa (Josephine Langford) keep going back to the ultra-needy Hardin (Hero Fiennes Tiffin)?

After all, she is carving a potential career as a publishing company where her internship has taken off unbelievably well.

Yep, this is the girl who gets a gig with the company's most important client during her first week.

And, through nothing doing at all, other than looking pretty and getting drunk, she becomes the darling of a boss who usually fires interns after a day.

Meanwhile, her ex-boyfriend, Hardin, doesn't work at all, instead occupying every waking hour with his obsession for her.

Hardin is a stalker by any other name and it seemed to me that Tessa has Stockholm Syndrome because however many times he behaves badly, she keeps going back to him.

Meanwhile, we felt a tad sorry for her gentlemanly if slightly dull work colleague (Dylan Sprouse) who is clearly desperate for an entanglement.

Oh, and there's a brutal incident in childhood which gives Hardin nightmares and makes him particularly aggressive towards his estranged father (Rob Estes).

Anyway, the more stalker-ish Hardin becomes, the more Tessa cannot drag herself away from him and even goes along with a charade to please his mum (Louise Lombard).

Suffice to say that After We Collided is frustrating and repetitive with bland dialogue, delivered by mediocre-at-best acting.

Actually, Fiennes transfixed gawp of dismay was at least unique if bizarre.

It is very poor even by comparisons to other rom coms - and yet, so desperate are people to visit cinemas, they they are paying in good numbers to watch it.

Covid-19 has a lot to answer for.

Reasons to watch: If you are a lovelorn teenager

Reasons to avoid: Ludicrously simplistic plot

Laughs: One

Jumps: One

Vomit: None

Nudity: Bare bum

Overall rating: 3/10

Did you know? In September 2020, it was announced that two sequels, After We Fell and After Ever Happy, were greenlit to go into back-to-back production, with Castille Landon directing both films.

The final word. Josephine Langford: "I rarely get recognised but a girl came up to me when I was buying a shirt one day. We started having a conversation about the books and how happy she was that this story and these characters she loved had been turned into films. Just getting to be part of a positive experience for someone and hearing that is so rewarding.” Schon Magazine

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