154. Bermondsey Tales - Fall Of the Roman Empire; movie review

 

BERMONDSEY TALES: FALL OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE

Cert 18

99 mins

BBFC advice: Contains very strong language

A decade or so ago, low-budget movies about criminal gangs in London were as regular as the capital's red buses.

Bermondsey Tales: The Fall Of The Roman Empire evoked a sense of nostalgia, reminding me of the era when Craig Fairbrass, Billy Murray, Nick Severn, and Simon Phillips were the mainstays of a genre that bathed in violence and seemed to pay little heed to storytelling or quality acting.

This has nothing to do with Caesar and Co. but relates to geezers and gals attached to the family of hardman and big gob, Henry Roman (Michael Head).

Henry is in a bind after being kidnapped by another criminal to whom he owes half a million quid.

After he promises to repay the cash, the movie flashes back to understand why he believes he can take over his firm and, therefore, have the power to control the money.

However, it soon emerges that Henry might tell a few tall tales and his ambition outstrips his station.

Bermondsey Tales is packed with beatings, killings and general skullduggery.

Head's movie includes an array of past and present stars who might attract audiences.

John Hannah is at the top of the list, and there are cameos for Birds of A Feather's Linda Robson,  'All 'Allo's Vicki Michelle, and Kidulthood's Adam Deacon.

But don't be fooled - blink and you would miss all of them.

Vaz Blackwood and Gary Webster have more substantial roles but they cannot lift the movie from being a series of unfunny in-jokes combined with tepid violence.

As for the acting, I couldn't tell whether it was deliberately exaggerated to the point of resembling pantomime.

Indeed, the best I can say about Head's movie is that it left me longing for reruns of The Sweeney.  

Reasons to watch: Londoners may like it

Reasons to avoid: So hammy

Laughs: None

Jumps: None

Vomit: None

Nudity: None

Overall rating: 3/10

Did you know? There are an estimated 250 active criminal gangs in London, comprising nearly 5,000 people. Of these gangs, 62 are considered to be 'high harm' and commit two thirds of all gang- related crime.

The final word: Director and writer Michael Head said: "It was an honour to work with such a great cast on a story based on my family history. I am delighted to see it get a cinematic release and can't wait to share this with the UK audience and hope it does my family and South London proud."

Share this post